We Turned Ten
“Behind all your stories is your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.”
-M. Albom
I have this thing about “magazine moms”. They are the ones who accomplish a daily wake up of 5am, a 30-minute workout, an uninterrupted shower, a full fledged facial routine, well moisturized ankles, a breakfast spread, and time with Jesus all before 7 am. They are unbothered, unhurried and manage to never leave home forgetting a single thing. Their bonnets don’t come off in the middle of the night and they have more than enough energy to host an impromptu pajama party for their group of close girlfriends on a Friday night. They don’t need an alarm to remind them to take their probiotics or pick up the kids and they don’t have to negotiate with time. They are downright flawless.
I’m not the “magazine mom”. I can’t even say I’m the average mom.
I am a forty year old unsupervised mother with a newly turned ten year old daughter. My satin scarf ends up on the underside of my pillow at least fifty percent of the week, I struggle to wake up at 6am every morning (although I have a desire to for me, myself, and I time with Jesus), I’m still learning what the purpose of toner is, and my ankles may become unintentionally ashy from shoving my feet into my sneakers so I can drop my kid off to school on time, homemade lunch in tow. I can sometimes catch a shower before awakening my daughter to Annie’s “It’s a Hard Knock Life” or Beauty and the Beast’s “Belle” but on the other side of sometimes is a shower before my devotional time with God, which happens after I’ve accomplished yet another successful 8am school drop-off. And the only pajamas you may catch me in on a Friday night are not the ones I’d dare wear around my girlfriends. I’m sure birthday suits are allowed on nude beaches, but not amongst my group of friends. We are close, but we have boundaries. Plus, come Friday night, I don’t want to do anything but throw my hair in a messy bun and eat Mediterranean mint chip ice cream let alone dive into an unplanned event. I am an unashamed introvert who appreciates at least two weeks notice for all events that require me to give more than a little bit.
My daughter turned ten on a Sunday, but we began celebrating on the Friday before. I needed her to know that turning ten was not just another check off the annual calendar, but an imprint in a story that we began writing together, ten years ago. I threw some paper flowers and “razzle dazzle” on the walls behind numbered helium balloons. The balloons, which I accidentally released in the store, were safely tied to the desk. Thank God for patient associates, extra balloons, and helium tanks. I transformed the desk into a table spread with games, gifts, and room for my mother’s cake plate. My daughter only asked for a chocolate cake and didn’t care that it was not three tiers high with an evenly plastered buttercream frosting with an ombré overcast. I couldn’t afford that type of cake and I was not so sure that I would’ve wanted to buy one if I could afford it. I even thought to make a chocolate ganache myself but I bumped into a Ghirardelli option in the store and voilá, I added twenty minutes to my already zipping life. She was just happy to spend time with me and her family for her birthday and the list of what I thought shoulda-coulda-woulda dissipated each time she smiled at a scene that only costed me $60 to create.
I was so worried about missing the mark on the first “double digit” year that I almost overlooked the beauty of the ten year old story we were still writing together. Her turning ten taught me a lot about my lingering limiting beliefs and I believe these are all misconceptions we can dismantle with God’s help:
(1) Limitations should not be public. Going public about where we fall short helps our children to experience our deep humanity and learn that their humanity is also safe with us.
(2) Be perfect. There is no such standard on earth. Release the idea that there is and own the best version of you instead. Then, enjoy her to the fullest.
(3) Luxury is unaffordable. Redefine luxury and express it in ways that benefit you and your family.
There were ten candles on a homemade chocolate cake and she smiled from ear to ear anticipating every bite under a scoop of vanilla ice cream. This part of our story is an unforgettable one and it didn’t begin with perfect wake up. Yours doesn’t have to either.
